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A Family Conversation Guide for Talking With a Parent About Their Home

This free one-page guide helps you start the conversation with a parent about their home. It gives you five openers, a few questions to ask, and room to write down what they tell you. Read it before you talk, and use it as often as you need.

Talking With a Parent About Their Home

A One-Page Family Guide

Start with how your parent wants to live, not what they should give up. Pick one or two of these, keep the first talk short, and let it end with “let's talk again.”

  1. “What do you love most about living here?” Then ask: “What do you want to make sure you keep, wherever you live?”
  2. “What's gotten harder around the house lately?” Then ask: “What would make that easier?”
  3. “How do you picture the next five or ten years?” Then ask: “Where do you see yourself?”
  4. “What would help you stay here comfortably?” Then ask: “Is there anything you'd like me to look into for you?”
  5. “Would it help to look at the options together, just so we all know what they are?” Then ask: “Who else would you like to be part of that conversation?”

A few things that help

Choose a calm time with no deadline. Listen more than you talk. Ask your parent which family members they'd like included before you share what you hear. If the talk gets tense, it's fine to stop and pick it up another day. This can take multiple conversations over a period of time.

Write down what you hear

QuestionWhat they said
What they love most about the house
What's gotten harder
What they want to keep, wherever they live
Who they want involved
What we'll talk about next

Who can help when you're ready

A move manager, an estate sale company, a mover and an elder law attorney can each take a piece off your plate, and a CPA is the right person for tax questions. I can provide recommendations for each and help you coordinate them.

Ryan Breeden, REALTOR with Long & Foster and a Seniors Real Estate Specialist (SRES). Call or text me at 443-896-6081 or email me at rbreeden1@gmail.com.

Download the guide (PDF)

What Is in the Guide?

Starting the conversation is usually the hardest part, so the guide starts there. It has five openers that begin with how your parent wants to live instead of what they should give up, plus a few follow-up questions that keep the talk calm and unhurried. It also has a short section for jotting down what you hear, so the next conversation picks up where this one stopped, and a one-line reminder of who can help with the house, the move and the paperwork.

How Should I Use It?

Read it first and pick one or two openers that sound like you. Keep the first talk short. Nothing has to be decided, and a conversation that ends with “let me think about it” is a good start. If your siblings are involved, send it to them too so everyone is working from the same page.

What if My Parent Isn't Ready to Talk?

That's okay, and you don't have to wait for them to be ready to call me. I'm glad to talk through where your family is, what the house would likely net and what the options look like, with your parent's wishes at the center. You can start with my helping a parent page or call or text me at 443-896-6081.

I'm Ryan Breeden, a REALTOR with Long & Foster and a Seniors Real Estate Specialist (SRES). I've worked with hundreds of 55+ clients and their families, and I've lived in Howard County for 25+ years.

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